First, to set the scene...
We arrived twenty minutes early at the Cineworld Hammersmith. This often happens. The nearest tube station is Ravenscourt Park, which is only a few stops away on the District Line. Unfortunately the District Line is a bit ponderous and sometimes likes to have fifteen minute breaks in the middle of the day, so we normally leave plenty of time only to get lucky and get on a tube straight away. So, we were twenty minutes early, and the film started twenty minutes late, and then only because Dad went out and told them that nothing was happening. So, by the time the film started I was feeling pretty annoyed and cold. Why are cinemas so cold? It's ridiculous.
Anyway, the review...
There are, in my opinion, two things you need to enjoy this film. The first is a love of Vin Diesel and the second is a forgiving nature. Thankfully, I possess both of these and so really enjoyed it.
I mean, yes, there are some appalling moments of dialogue and Katee Sackhoff doesn't seem to be bothering to act, even though I know she can. There's also some awkward moments of what I think is meant to be sexual tension.
But fuck it! It's really fun. The opening section is a bit like Tarzan in space, then it turns into a Western, before finally unleashing the monsters. The monsters are awesome! They're slimy with big teeth, and come in a variety of sizes. What more could you need? A nice dog-like sidekick? Done.
As much as some of the dialogue is terrible, there's also some wonderful one-liners, which I would quote for you, if I were the kind of person who could remember quotes really easily. You'll just have to trust me on that one and go and see it.
The best thing about the film is how it looks. It's beautiful. The desolate planet, the dramatic sky, Vin Diesel clambering around on rocks in the nude*.
Yes, it's silly, and I don't think it's going to win over people who didn't like Chronicles of Riddick, but if you can forgive the little things, it's a really fun film, an enjoyable cinema experience, and it managed to cheer me out of the impatient grump I was in when the film started. I was cheered to see that it was number one in the US box office in its first week. Long live Vin Diesel!
*Naked ladies are also available, if that's more your thing.